In Sixty Seconds

One of our favorite movies is “Gone in 60 Seconds” with Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie.  My husband loves the cars in the movie. I like the characters.  It’s also amazing that they can steal a car in sixty seconds.  I can barely get in mine unlocked and started that quickly with a button on the key chain and the key for the ignition.

Stealing a car in 60 seconds is a feat, but nothing compared to what my children can do to a bathroom in half the time.

This morning, I decided to do a round of diaper changes before we headed out for story time. I changed the little one, which is generally a wrestling match, and stood her next to the bathtub, hoping that traversing its edge would keep her occupied while I changed the other two.

What’s the line from “Grumpy Old Men” about wishing in one hand and crapping in the other?

Well… My son decided that he wanted to sit on the potty.  Okay, sure.  We had time.  We could hope for success.  He took off his jeans and removed his diaper, dumping it within reach of the little one.  I snatched it up barely before she placed a hand in the middle of it. He sat on the potty.

My daughter claimed she had to poop on the potty.  I really doubted this was the case, but wanted to encourage any interest in the potty, so she took off her pants and diaper.  As I suspected, she had already gone.  She waddled over to the big toilet and shook the sodden diaper over it.  My son and the little one were intrigued and hurried over to the toilet to observe/participate in the process. I, of course, cannot speed the shaking process without causing a temper tantrum.  The little one’s attention is diverted the mound of toilet paper on the back of the toilet that she unfurled from the roll while I brushed my teeth earlier in the morning.  While I am grabbing that away from her, my daughter drops her diaper into the toilet. She reaches for it. I scream, “No!” and luckily she stops (In most cases, that has a 1 in 10 chance of working.).  Here it gets blurry.  I think I removed the little one back to the bathtub and extracted the diaper.  It left a trail on the floor I mopped last night.  I grabbed the disinfectant wipes from the counter and swiped at the spill as the little one crawled through it to the toilet. She can stand so quickly, she was splashing in the toilet before I could get to her.  It was time to get her out of the bathroom.  I ran her to the exersaucer, so she could not continue her attack.

I returned to the bathroom, brandishing the disinfectant wipes.  The twins were shocked that the little one had been put in ‘time out’, but we were able to return the rest of the crew to their diapered state without any little more little fingers playing in things they shouldn’t. My daughter did need a change of clothes as her bladder control was stronger than the absorbency of diaper.

And we still made it to story time promptly.

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